training for stay calm

I have spent quite a lot time on playing chess games these days, together with my husband, or with the machine. So far, I am the constant loser.
My husband couldn't understand why am I always defeated nowadays, because once upon the time, I was able to get the fairly balanced result.

The night before last night, the machine made me rather upset, or say, desperate. I guess my husband was kind of scared and therefore, he rushed himself to bed earlier than usual. The more games I lost, the stronger the urge aroused inside, for keep playing, like a real gambler traped in her hopeless despair.

I got my concentration lost too easily, just like a kid. This is normally the cause of the very first wrong move. Then, a flood of mistakes would be irreversibly and incurably following after that.
Reparation is always a difficult work, no matter under what kind of situation. It is not a skill that one can possess by nature without training. Mending the holes produced by one's won stupidity, would normally cost the highest amount, because the psychological burden would have been added on.

Positively speaking, I made a small progress last night, on training myself stay calm. I performed a little better. In the last game before I went to bed, I cost the machine 3 minutes and 20 seconds to think, sure, while I myself spent 22 minutes and 22 seconds. Even if it sounds rediculous, I feel really happy enough for having that result, almost like a glorious defeat. hahahah~~~~~