Some little reflection

Last night, I went to bed with cold feet and I held myself with my cold arms.
I switched off the computer before went for shower. I forgot that the running water has got some influence on my inner circulation, but not only on my blade.
So I had to switch on the computer again after stepped out from the shower tub. I wanted to note down some ideas, which appeared while I was having shower, concerning to the topic that I thought about before.
Nevertheless, when I sat down in front of the desk, my mind had blanked by the extremely stretching single note from an improvised music piece. That's one of the favorate music genres that my husband loves. I tried to catch back some trace of my thought. However, my effort was simply like if I was looking for a thread in the flood. My heart was sinking. I felt desperate. I longgered my face and flapped my palms on my laps. If my memory is not wrong, that is the very first time I have had this action.
My action attracted my husband came over to my side and attempted to hold me with his arms. I did not want to look at him. Instead, I stretched my right arm and showed him my palm as a stop sign. He is so innocent. He did not aware that my mind works arbitrarily without my own control. He keeps forgotten that my conscious is super sensitive to sound.
'I forgot.' I had to explain to him, because he would keep asking if I did not say a word.
The things which I forgot did not come back eventually, before I went to bed.

However, my feeling has been soothed during the night. Getting up as usual in the morning, preparing breakfast and food and drink for my husband to take with him to work, I felt no reason for my helplessness. After all, it is more important to live a life rather than noting down a life. The happiness of my husband is more important than my writing. The worldly pleasure is already so limited for him. There is no reason for me to request more of his sacrifice.
If there has to be something lost in time, let it be lost then. There are already countless things got lost in human history without a trace.
No big deal.