忐忑 the incomprehensible

Recalling some fragment details from the Christmas and New Year holiday that has just passed, I think that I can never make my mother-in-law convinced for that my way of singing is impossible to get any chance in China, or even, in Germany. (deep breath).  

She does not believe that I have got only the level of amatuer talent, if it could be counted as talent at all. She kept saying 'so professional', 'so professional', while I was playing some of my songs to her. She thinks that it is a kind of waste, if someone who can sing as 'professional' like that and does not participate into any social activities or public events. I found some videos of "the Voice of China" online and played to her. I told her that I am no longer qualified as a singer, according to the current development of the entertainment business. But she rather prefer to believe that I can make profit with my singing. Certainly, profit, is the key word. I cannot let her know that one's interest, or ability, or knowledge on art, is a tool of self-refinement, it helps training one's observation and sensitivity. It is an individual matter basically and therefore, it does not have to do with money, or with publicity. If it is a means of entertainment, it should entertain oneself at the first, before anything else. 

It is not true, that anybody who can drive a car on the road, knows the art of driving or capable of becoming a racer. If one really wants to make money with singing, one needs to train oneself coping with the taste of the mass. But the reality is that the taste of the mass is turning more and more difficult to be satisfied. Nowadays, people require shocking power to get their paralyzed nerves reacting. So I do not only have problem with my 'tool', but also have problem with my will. If someone in my age is still willing to make herself unhappy for and only for pleasing the others, that is insane. I prefer to keep playing the role of myself. 

The link attached here, shows the way of possibility if one really wants floating up onto the surface of the sea.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFrcKYA1EL4  The singer in the video, is a professional singer, who is not only graduate from music school of university, but also had her early success already in China. Besides, her husband is a music producer who knows the applied market strategy as well. The only thing that makes me comparing with this singer, is that we both are Chinese who are living in Germany.

The curiosity of the audience on peculiar forms of entertainment, fully embodies the battered pleasure in human psychology. It seems that things which can torture the sensory organs harder, can endure more susceptibility, or even, invite mad pursuit. On that aspect, we can see that the husband of Gong Linna (the singer), Lao Luo, knows obviously well enough about the art of commercial market. 

Nevertheless, to person who can not overcome the sense of shame and glory, and, who still holds the sophisticate elegance dearly in heart or subconscious, I assume, it is better meditating quietly at home. 

Alas, I just want to utter a praises to the art of laziness. 

Today, one of my close friends just said to me, 'Being lazy is the magic key to the eastern philosophy, to the inaction of the Taoism and the meditation of Buddhism.' Talking about self refinement, the first thing we should practice, is the constant conviction which resists all kinds of inner and outer temptation.